24 Things You DEFINITELY Should Have Accomplished By The Age Of 35
There’s a lot of pressure these days to “have your life together”, whatever that means, by a certain point. Whether it’s having your dream job or getting married or how many children you’re supposed to have, everybody has an opinion on who or what or where you should be in your life at a certain point and time. It is exhausting.
But which one is the right answer? Well never fear folks, because these below people have figured it out for you!
1. Hanging out with friends.
Ah yes, the age-old “let’s hang out” dance.
I mean it’s not because you don’t want to hang out, you always start off with the best intentions and hey, It’d be super fun to catch up!
But then Netflix releases a new series you’ve been dying to watch and you realize you haven’t the gym in 3 months and you still have all those e-mails to reply to and all of a sudden it’s 5 years later and you still haven’t hung out… whoops.
Savings? Yeah, I’ve got savings, of course, I’ve got savings! What do you think I am, some sort of idiot? I have at least 250 pennies in my penny jar!
It always happens the same way; you’re doing pretty well, you just got your paycheck, you’ve put $100 into your savings account this month, life is good.
And then rent is due, so that’s gone. Then your car breaks down so that’s gone too. Oh, and groceries are hella expensive and you’re definitely gonna want to eat at some point so… oh look at that, you’re now minus $500 in your savings account. Congratulations!
3. Going to bed at a reasonable hour.
Okay, I’m gonna level with you on this one… this is one of the very few advantages of actually being “an adult”.
You want to go to bed at 7 pm? Then hunni you go to bed at 7 pm. Want to stay in bed until 7 pm the next day? Well, guess what! There’s nobody around to tell you that you can’t!
Yep, you live that bed life girl. You’re a grown-ass adult! Just… make sure you go outside every once in a while so that people still know you’re alive.
What do you mean you haven’t started making any Horcruxes yet, are you crazy!?
You better get crackin’, I hear that ripping your soul into seven pieces is quite time-consuming work.
Well, I’m not going to tell you how to live your life, all I’m saying is that you should probably definitely considering starting some point soon.
You don’t know when, you don’t know how, but one day you just wake up and you are surrounded by damn Tupperware boxes.
Not only that, but you’ll start to find that no matter how many Tupperware containers you own, you will never ever be able to find the lid to match them.
Where do they go? What do they get up to? How am I going to get my miserable attempt at a salad to work? WHAT IS GOING ON?
6. Be really good at pretending you have your life together.
Here’s one of the most important things you need to learn; nobody else has absolutely any idea what the hell they are doing either.
That’s right! We’re all just completely meandering around this confusing thing we call life trying to make things work while we’re pretty much just guessing about every little thing we do.
So savor those moments when somebody mistakes you for a person who “has their life together”. Smile and nod knowingly, and try not to give away the fact that you are internally screaming.
7. PLASTIC. BAGS.
Very similar deal to the Tupperware container situation. It’s an endless cycle you have no control over, and never will.
Heck, I remember when my own mom had her own plastic bag filled with plastic bags. I used to shake my head in exasperation everytime I watched her add even more bags to the already over-flowing bags bag.
And yet look at me now, I now have more bags in my house than Walmart has in all it’s stores combined!
8. A box of mystery cables.
Well all know what I’m talking about, we all that “that” box. And if you don’t, then you’re lying.
You have a million gadgets in your house, and these days every gadget comes with its very own cable. It is annoying as hell.
Inevitably they all end up in “the box”, Along with the charger from your 1989 Gameboy and the battery-pack from your Windows 99 laptop… because you never know when you’re going to need it!
9. The Chair.
35? I’ve had that chair since I was 16. But just like “The Box”, everybody also knows “The Chair”.
In fact, you’re not even sure if it was a chair. You’re pretty sure it was a chair. Maaaaybe it was a table or a very small exercise bike. Oh, who knows, it’s been so long since you’ve seen it, it’s pretty much a guessing game by this point.
Either way, who cares? It’s the laundry holder now, and whatever its purpose was before, it now has a newer, much more useful purpose.
10. Your body starts pranking you.
Even at our age, periods are a nuisance. But you like to think that after going through it for so many years, you’ve got it pretty much all figured out, and you’re very well in-tune with your uterus.
Well, THINK AGAIN LADIES. You know that sigh of relief you do when your monthly week of hell is finally over and done with? Well, you may want to hold off on it for a few days, just to be sure.
Yep, that’s right, your own uterus has started working against you and is luring you into a false sense of security, and after all, you two have been through! The ultimate kind of betrayal.
11. Fashion choices.
Remember in high school when you wouldn’t be caught dead in the same outfit twice? Yeah, well, those days are well and truly over.
Comfy jeans and a top, that is your life now, and it is wonderful. It’s amazing how much time you save when you’re not worrying about what outfit you’re going to wear that day.
If it’s good enough for Steve Jobs, it’s good enough for you too right? Besides, everybody knows you SLAY in those jeans!
12. Allocated cup use.
It’s your house, your rules, you’ve worked hard to get here and you require the utmost respect from anyone who is allowed to enter.
…Even if that respect means them knowing that the pint glass they’re rudely drinking water from is actually your “Hangover Orange Juice” glass and should not be violated with water.
Water? In a pint glass? What’s next, gin in your “Extra Large Friday Night Wine” balloon glass?
13. All work and no play.
In all honesty, I’ve had one of these since college.
The only difference now is that instead of being too busy, I’m also too tired.
Remember when you couldn’t wait to make your own money so you could spend it on whatever you wanted? Well, no one ever warned me that we could afford it, but never have any time to use it. Yay adulthood!
14. The American Dream.
Hmm… I can’t help but think this one sounds a little too familiar…
Well, I guess they are the most-loved family in America, so maybe The Simpsons are doing something right?
Although to be completely honest, I rather like the way my hair is, for now, thanks though Homer.
15. Empty tab promises.
They say a woman’s brain can be like having 200,000 tabs open at once.
As in it’s stressful and there’s far too much information going around at once.
And just like those tabs, none of that information is never ever getting dealt with ever.
16. Canceling plans.
“Sorry, my cat is depressed… no, no wait my car won’t star- I mean, erm, my aunt… died? No, not that aunt, my other aunt…”
The trick to this is keeping meticulous track of which excuse you’ve used and when… so that people don’t get suspicious.
But I’ll let you in on a little something I’ve learned over my past, so many years… people are probably super happy that you have canceled. No really, it’s true! Everyone hates having plans as much as you do, I promise.
We all have that moment in our lives… I’ve had about 15 of them so far.
You begin to question every decision you’ve ever made. You’ve spent 4 years of your life specializing in a subject that you’re pretty much stuck with dealing with for the rest of your life… BUT WHAT WAS IT ALL FOR REALLY?
Quit your job, buy a boat, open up a Hotel for Dogs or join a traveling circus… the possibilities are endless! After you’ve paid off that insanely expensive student debt, that is.
18. Having the absolute worst realization you could possibly ever have.
This one is the worst. Mostly because it’ll happen to you one day, all of a sudden, out of nowhere, it’ll sneak up on you and there’s nothing you can do to stop it.
You’ll be walking along one day, minding your own business, then you’ll open your mouth to say something and BAM! …your Mom/Dad will come out.
You also start checking the thermostat on a regular basis and start complaining about how there’s never “anything good on” the TV anymore or how “music today just isn’t what it used to be”. Congratulations, you are your parents.
Yet again another, terrible, terrible realization.
As they say, ignorance is bliss. So what if I’m living in a dream world when the 90s was only 10 years ago? I’m happy, aren’t I? Leave me be!
But no, there’s always that one Debbie Downer who needs to make it her mission to ruin everybody’s lives and remind them that the 90s were actually almost 30 years ago. 30! Oh, just go away Debbie, nobody wants you here.
It seems these days most employers expect you to have already finished your college degree by the time you’ve left the womb.
So all you can do is sit there and spend 30 minutes trying to convince the interviewer why it’s okay that you don’t necessarily need 60 years of experience just to file paper and get coffee for everybody.
Well…. good luck with that!
“Hey so how old are you?” “34… no, wait for 30…. 6? wait when was my last birthday?”
Let’s be honest, after 30 you just stop counting.
But don’t worry, it won’t just be your age you’re confused about, it’ll literally be everything else as well. Yayyy age!
We’ve all been there, sadly it’s nothing new. You can get caught up with all the new responsibilities and changes in your life and forget to maintain the things you’d worked so hard for in your old life, especially friendships.
Hopefully one day you’ll be able to reconcile, but if not then never fear, the internet is filled with a million weirdos just like you all just waiting to fill the void your old friends left. At this age you’ve just got to take whatever you can get I suppose!
23. Invaluable wisdom.
Didn’t I say this earlier? I’m pretty sure I did.
NOBODY has a clue what they’re doing. And I mean nobody. And if somebody says they do, well, they’re lying.
Everything is going to be fine kiddo, you’re doing great!
24. But most importantly…
AND THERE IS STILL TIME FOR YOU TO BECOME A PRINCESS!
If that isn’t inspiring then I just don’t know what is.
Always remember folks, it’s never too late to do whatever the heck you want to do, no matter how old you are!