Marriage, is a wonderful thing isn’t it folks? Bound together for all eternity with the person of your dreams, the love of your life, your one true soulmate… and then it’s 30 years later andyou find yourself wide awake at 3am staring at your significant other and seriously contemplating violently smothering them with a pillow because they will just NOT. STOP. SNORING. Ahhhh, wedded bliss.
But it’s not all bad, am I right ladies? Sure, some days it feels like you’ve somehow managed to marry the most irritating human being on the entire planet, but at least they’re always good for a laugh.
Below are 16 perfectly hilarious examples that show what the true “joys” of marriage really are, so have a scroll through and prepare to nod your head and say “same” 17 times over. Enjoy!
Rule number 1 of marriage; Be suspicious of everything your partner says and/or does. Because you just know they’re always thinking of new ways to embarrass you out in public and what you say can and will be used against you at some point int the future.
Honestly, you think it’s just kids who can never find something that’s right in front of them, but ask yourself, where do you think they got it from? From watching the giant child you married, thats who.
Isn’t it wonderful when you get to that stage in your marriage when you can say how you truly feel about each other? Me and my husband got to that point after about a week.
Do you ever get the feeling that your partner does this kind of thing badly on purpose in hopes that you will never ask them to do it again? Or do you think they’re genuinely trying their best? God, I hope it’s the first one.
Oh yes! That’s it! More! More! More! Don’t stop! Please! Just don’t ever ever ever stop or I will be forced to kill you if I find one more cup ring on the darn antique coffee table.
Not only do they seem to become more irritating, but were they really that much a smart-ass before you married them? Surely not, because why on earth would you do that to yourself?
It’s as if they sit around all day just thinking up new and more inventive ways to be even more irritating isn’t it? These days I have to hide away and watch tv shows on my iPad in secret just so my husband can’t ruin it for me.
Ah yes, selective hearing, that terrible infliction that seems to magically materialise the moment the ring goes on the finger. I have to repeat myself so often in our house that I’m considering just buying a parrot and having it do it for me instead.
I’d be mad but I’m 100% guilty of this too. Sometimes I forget that my husband is even in the house.
One thing is for sure, they certainly keep us on our toes don’t they? Every day seems like a new, less-exciting-than-the-day-before adventure.
I remember the time my husband came home with a turbo-powered leaf blower and I spent 40 minutes explaining all the reasons why we definitely did not need a turbo-powered leaf blower (Reason 1: we lived in an apartment on the 18th floor).
Do these jokes ever stop being funny? Yes. The answer is yes, they do. About 2 months into marriage they stopped being funny.
Ladies, what would we do without wine? File for a divorce, probably.
It’s all fun and games when they’re using your razor or toothbrush, but heaven forbid you actually ever use any of their stuff, then it’s a completely different ball game. I don’t know how many times I’ve had to reassure my husband that using moisturiser is so very manly.
It comes to a point when you think; are they still faking not hearing me are have they genuinely just stopped listening to everything I say? That’s the true turning point in a marriage, when you can’t even be bothered to pretend you were listening anymore.
No argument for this one. Last time I found a spider in our house I went and stayed in a hotel for 2 weeks and I left my husband at home to deal with it (I specifically made sure that part was written into our wedding vows!)