Sometimes I wish somebody, somewhere would just fix every annoying little thing.
Life can be a pain in the a*s sometimes. It can start to feel like a merry-go-round of obstacles, each one more infuriating than the next until you get to the point where you crave a life of no responsibility out on an undisturbed tropical beach somewhere.
Do you ever have those days where you just think this boring stuff can surely get done quicker right? You want to be able to have more time to play with the kids… or play away from the kids. Just enjoy the finer things in life basically.
Well, today’s your lucky day! And I use the term lucky very loosely. Because what i’ve found isn’t necessary the solution to all of your problems… no no no this is something way better. Ok, i’m using the term ‘better’ loosely too. But it is the next best thing.
This list of life hacks won’t necessarily make your life any easier but it will definitely make it funnier. Most of all they’ll make you realise that there’s always a lighter side to those frustratingly busy, down days.
Some of them are strange, some are just downright stupid but all of them will have you giggling in your seat. #10 couldn’t be more perfect!
1. When you’ve just got no motivation
Ever wake up in the morning looking like ursula from the little mermaid before she puts her make-up on and feeling like you just can’t be bothered? Maybe it seems like you’ve not seen your friends in a while due to a hectic schedule.. Why not just cut a piece of bread into the shape of a hand (takes no more than 2-3 minutes) and give yourself a high five as well as a delicious, slightly small piece of toast.
2. Viruses are so freakin’ annoying
I hate it when my computer goes slow and I get bombarded with emails telling me ‘there’s singles in my area’. Quick fix- stick a piece of red onion to ward of any unruly spam.
3. Getting fit for that dress you want is all in the mind
Don’t let other people tell you what size you are, do what this guy did and dress for the size you want to be instead and the rest will fall into place… or fall out if you know what I mean.
4. Nobody wants to hear that ‘plop’ sound
Why have I never thought of this? Don’t worry if everyone comes rushing to the bathroom, it’s not because they’re there to laugh at the sound of you pooping. It’s just because they think you’re distressed and in horrible pain and are genuinely concerned for your welfare. That’s way more simple to explain.
5. No nail polish? No problem
I hate it when you’re getting ready to go out for a nice meal, or it’s one of those rare days where you feel like actually making an effort and you’ve run out of nail polish. Just use toothpaste instead, it’s vibrantly coloured and you get no smudges almost every time.
6. That ‘R’ on your gear stick stands for ‘RACE’
Disclaimer: It definitely won’t- please do not try this on the roads. I don’t want any of you Acidheads trying to become petrol-heads blowing up halfway down the freeway.
7. Feeling a bit lonely?
Ever find yourself longing for a partner you can confide in, that’ll stay with you through the good times and the bad and just ultimately fulfil your need for a soulmate? No? Believe me it’s overhyped! But if you are a tad on the lonely side then just fill a rubber glove with water and draw a smiley face on there for good measure. You can easily
steel borrow these from any local hospital.
8. Froth overflow
Ideally you’ll have a glass of wine in your hand instead. But, on the off chance you fancy a bottle of coke, make sure you follow this guy’s instructions and open it upside down. That way the bubbles will all rise to the top…
9. When your socks keep getting soaked through
This person saw a better use for all those condoms you happen to have lying around. Stretch them out over your feet and your feet will never get wet again, unless you step on anything sharp of course.
10. Struggling to shift those last few pounds?
I’m going to take a risk and say nobody really likes dieting. I just like sweet stuff far too much! A quick and easy life hack that’ll help you see those numbers on the scales tumbling in a matter of seconds is by simply killing two birds with one stone. Weigh yourself whilst you’re doing your business on the throne. Easy.
11. Snow day? S’no problem
If school’s called off for a snow day and the kids are in your hair, just pick up those… few hundred screwdrivers you’ve got lying around and gently force them into your tyres. You’ll have yourself make-shift snow tyres, apparently.
12. Never lose your keys again
This one made me feel a bit sick to look at and I don’t know why. Then I thought about someone walking around with keys flapping all over their face and I just burst out laughing instead. 10/10 for inventiveness.
13. You can never be too careful
When it comes to fire, you can never have too many precautionary measures in place. This person thought that as well as a standard smoke alarm, putting a foil pan of popcorn on the wall will provide added safety. As soon as you hear that thing popping, make your way out of the building sharply!
14. Can’t be bothered washing up a mug?
It’s a pepper. Just thought i’d let you know because it’s easy to mistake this for a china cup. You have to hand it to them, its definitely an original idea. Best make sure you don’t leave any seeds in there though.
15. Hands-free selfie stick
It may be hands-free, but I can’t guarantee that the resulting images will show you at your best angle…
16. Don’t throw those old doll heads out
Because this isn’t creepy at all… I mean in what world would you want that next to your bed at night. I’m not even going to try and be sarcastic about it.
17. Breaking the law isn’t cool
If you want to seem like a bit of a racer in front of your friends but don’t actually want to over over the speed limit, just switch your dash from mph to kph and you’ll look like the ultimate speed demon.
18. Bit skint at the end of the month?
Has it been a while since payday? Forgot how broke you were before heading out for a bite to eat? Simply tip the waiter a minus amount and it’ll balance out. Problem solved.
19. Start the morning fresh
If you’re a bit rushed for time then this person’s come up with the perfect solution. Spread toothpaste on your bread and enjoy the most important meal of the day with fresh breath. No guarantees on flavour though.
I hope you enjoyed reading through this absurd list. Just make sure you never actually try any of them! Of course the people behind these ‘life hacks’ have done it all for the sake of humour, or at least I hope they have.
Can you think of any things you thought were good ideas at the time only to reason they were actually incredibly dangerous and created more problems than they solved? Let me know in the comments!