There are certain jobs where you must get to meet some very weird people.
And I’m not just talking about psychiatrists here.
Even if you just work as something as normal as a store clerk or a food server, you meet strange characters every day.
So what would happen if you had a job as, oh, I don’t know… a security guard.
The whole point of you being there is to take things that people shouldn’t have off of them. So of course you’re gonna come across some weird possessions, and people being extremely shifty about them!
Just ask these real life security guards and the bizarre things they found holed up in people’s bags and on their person!
“While working at the airport, I checked a bag that contained an entire dead goat, including the head. Apparently they were off to a burial that night.”
“I work as a baggage handler for a couple airlines in Canada. By far the weirdest came from a guy moving from Victoria to Montreal. His bags included: a regular checked bag, a very large (1.5 meter) taxidermy tuna and a USED toilet.
Oddest mix-up was a guy who was pulled aside in security, taken to a private room by police and CATSA agents to be searched and interrogated about a bomb in his bag. Turns out he wrapped his cell charger around his phone and placed it on top of a Mars bar. Apparently it fits the physical criteria for an organic bomb.”
“Oatmeal. Not like dry oatmeal either, it was an entire suitcase filled with cooked oatmeal. They lined the inside with plastic so that it wouldn’t leak.”
“I have to search clients bags as part of my job. Last spring I was searching a girls bag and all of a sudden I started to hear a buzzing noise. I start searching and searching, dreading what I might find. Dig, dig, dig, buzz, buzz, buzz. What do I find? A tooth brush. Needless to say, I was disappointed.”
“A friend got me a job doing security at a theme park even though I am in no way qualified to be security. I wound up being stuck at the entrance either checking people who couldn’t go through the metal detector/beeped when going through the metal detector with the wand or checking bags.
One guy had two pistols on his person and got mad when we told him weapons weren’t allowed on the premises. He had a concealed carry permit and thought he should be able to carry there.”
“Customs official here. Full animal spine, not professionally butchered, fresh with bits of flesh attached. Being brought in for a personal ceremony. It took four people to restrain the woman when we took it. She reacted like we were holding a knife to her child’s throat or something.
Result: I have a curse on me, not the first actually.”
“I was checking bags at a concert and I open one up to find a bunch of fish. Yep, they had filled the bag with water and put a bunch of fish in it. Apparently they said they ‘missed them too much to leave them at home’.”
“I was going to see the governor give a speech. All our bags had to be searched at the door.
Evidently I’d taken my husband’s work bag by accident. His metal measuring tape set the detector off, and they emptied the contents of the bag. What comes out?
A hammer, duct tape, tarp, ammonia, and bleach. Oh. And a ski mask.
(His usual set up for doing maintenance work outside in the dead of winter.)
I had a hell of time explaining that to the police.”
“My family traveled on the 5th of July and my brother used the same bag for carry on that he used the night before for fireworks.. He brought 11 bottle rockets on a 3hr flight in the U.S. (POST 9/11).
We didn’t find this out until after we arrived at our destination.”
“A woman had a suitcase with a clown suit, a jar of pickles, some architecture for dummies book, and about a hundred $50 gift cards to Chik-fil-A. Interesting combo.”
“One blue crushed velvet suit, one frilly laced cravat, one silver medallion with ‘male’ symbol, one vinyl record album ‘Burt Bacharach Plays His Hits’, one Swedish made penis enlarger pump (he said it wasn’t his), one credit card receipt for said penis enlarger, signed by him (he still insisted it wasn’t his).”
“A machete. Like, a 5-foot long one. Confiscated (or rather voluntarily handed over after I asked really nicely) from a car with diplomatic plates – it was sitting next to the driver on the passenger seat. No explanation.”
“I worked at a venue that seats around 15,000 just outside Toronto and what I never saw coming was how much worse the bands/caterers/people coming in through the back entrance were compared to the guests.
A chainsaw hidden in a suspiciously-large guitar case. They said it was part of the act to get the crowd ‘pumped’. ‘NOPE.’ ‘Pleaaaase?’ ‘Nope.’ ‘Come onnn it would be epic, bro!’ ‘I don’t doubt it, but nope. Call our event co-ordinator and she might let you use it if you take the chain off but until then it’s staying here’.”