“My boyfriend and I went to a sexual health clinic together. I got a DepoProvera injection, and he became so concerned it would ‘pour back out’ that he held his finger to my arm. The nurse just stared at him, then shook her head. He was very concerned afterward that I didn’t ‘get enough of it’.”
“We were driving around this weird part of Las Vegas and I said, ‘This is surreal’. He said, ‘I know. It’s so real’. I repeated, ‘Surreal’ and he repeated, ‘So. Real.'”
“I dated one. We’ll call her ‘A’.
She thought pizza was an animal. No, seriously. she thought there were pizza hunters.
She liked to pick up cigarette butts off the ground and pretend to smoke them in front of passing by cars.
She thought Tylenol and crack were close enough to be the same drug. And would tell everyone she had to take crack pills for her headaches
Thought Resident Evil games were based on real life events.
Thought the thing that caused our break up was when she called me, crying, sobbing, screaming that she was pregnant with another guy’s kid. Turns out she thought making out got you pregnant.”
“When I was trying to teach her how to drive. She hops into the drivers seat and immediately starts driving down the road on the wrong side of the road insisting that I was wrong. She was 17 at the time. I reached over and turned the ignition off, pulled the keys out and jerked the emergency brake. I screamed get out of my car. It took 2 days and several of her friends to convince her that she was wrong. I’m not kidding. Dead serious. This was 31 years ago. My wife, nosy person that she is, looked her up on Facebook. She has had a terrible life.”
“My girlfriend thought Alaska was an island because on maps of the United States it’s always sitting in its own boxed off section in the corner (because it is connected to Canada not the US) and she thought it was like Hawaii.”
“I dated a guy for months, we went swimming once so I took off my makeup. This fool says to me ‘wait, your eyelashes aren’t black?’ I am a redhead. Leaning toward strawberry blonde. I was speechless.”
“We went to a hat store in the mall since he wanted to get hats for his baseball team he was starting and when the salesman told him the price for the embroidery he was so confused and kept asking him how much to get the design on the hat done. He didn’t know what embroidery meant.”
“He thought that chocolate truffles were mushrooms covered in chocolate. He thought all waffles were made of potatoes, therefore any sweet toppings on a waffle were revolting. He spelled ‘performance’ as ‘preformance’ consistently, including on job applications, and when I corrected him, he wouldn’t speak to me for the rest of the day. Normal stuff, really, I’m sure we’d have worked out fine if he wasn’t a jerk as well…”
“We had an incident where the condom broke and I right away suggest we go buy a Plan B pill. He immediately says ‘let me ask my boss first. He knows a lot about women’s bodies’.
Yes, a 32 year-old single male manager of Home Depot knows more about my own reproduction system than I do.
Dumped him a month later.”
“On our first date we went out for supper. We decided on one place but then he encouraged me to go to a different restaurant when he picked me up. We got there and an older woman sitting two tables from us, kept looking over. It was weird. When I pointed her out the first time, he dismissed it. But after she started making a racket, clanging her dishes and cutlery against her table, he couldn’t ignore it. He finally told me he knew her. IT WAS HIS MOTHER. Turns out she wanted to check me out and that’s why we didn’t go to the place we had originally decided on. I didn’t accept a second date.”
“He didn’t know pickles don’t grow out of the ground as pickles. After explaining the whole pickled cucumber situation, he actually didn’t believe me at first. We’re married, and he’s never going to live it down.”
“We (mid 20’s) were naked kissing and cuddling. When we stopped for a break, he said ‘so, that’s sex. It was good’. I thought he was joking, so I laughed. It took a few minutes to clear it up.
The kicker: he ran around work telling people we had sex.”
“When he kept doing the same old thing just to keep getting the same results. For example, he kept losing jobs because he kept getting into arguments with customers and staff. In 6 months, he lost 3 jobs. That’s an indication of something being wrong. However, he wouldn’t try figure out the problem. He just kept getting hired, working a couple months, losing his temper, getting fired and repeat.”
“When gas prices were really high she forwarded me this e-mail about how if everyone didn’t buy gas on a certain day of the week it would force oil companies to lower their gas prices and increase production, or something like that. I tried explaining to her it would literally make no difference because on the following day everyone would buy slightly more gas and the net gas usage would remain the same. She wasn’t having it.”
“My first boyfriend broke up with me, because I refused to believe that he was a secret dormant super hero; who would one day be called upon by the government, to save the world from some unnamed terrorists.”
Wow, how do people put up with these folks? If you have any stories of your own that you’re brave enough to share, don’t forget to leave a COMMENT. And of course if you enjoyed this article, be sure to SHARE it with your family and friends.