When you’re young, you believe a lot of crazy stuff like the tooth fairy, santa, and… whoops. You mean you didn’t know? Yikes.
Well, there’s stuff like that, but then do you remember the schoolyard confusion there always was surrounding sex when you were young?
It was like a big mystery, and the subject of speculation and rumors. Then there was always that one kid who claimed to be the world’s expert about it, but looking back they were freakin’ clueless too!
Some of the things people believe about sex growing up are incredible… and the age they get to before somebody corrects them about it is just as incredible!
Check out some of these cringeworthy stories about people who were so misinformed it’s not true.
1. Can you imagine? I would have pictured what they must have been upto in the bedroom and started howling!
“My mum used to work in a clinic. While working there, she saw a young overweight couple who had been trying to have a baby for months but with no success.
The woman offered to show my mum her ‘hole’ as she put it, and before my mum could refuse she whipped up her top and spread her bellybutton. My mum said it took all her strength to not laugh.”
2. That’s not how you do it! Read the box, doesn’t anybody read the freakin’ BOX anymore!?
“My sex ed teacher in high school told us stories about a female student she had a long time ago. The student got pregnant and was freaking because she had apparently been taking birth control. Later, the girl mentioned she had been taking her birth control pills vaginally.”
3. What, so if you eat that… and nothing but that… you would lose weight?
“I can remember a girl in my class asking if swallowing semen was “negative calories”. Apparently, her boyfriend was one smooth mother f****r.”
4. Some people live REALLY sheltered lives!
“My roommate freshman year of college had no idea that women could orgasm. He had no idea why a woman would be enjoying sex.”
5. I guess she had that ‘Carrie’ moment… no, not with the psychic powers, before that
“Back in eighth grade, I saw a girl crying in the ladies room. I walked over and asked her what was wrong, and she told me that she was bleeding down there and she legitimately thought that she had internal damage and was dying.”
6. Hey, that’s what class is for, learning! Every day is a school day!
“In my 7th-grade sex ed class, a fellow student asked if a girl could get pregnant from swallowing semen.”
7. Why only the yellow ones, I wonder?
“My sister is a Sex Ed teacher. Apparently, a belief that more than a few students have is that yellow skittles can act as birth control.”
8. Where do people get this stuff from? There’s no way I would have been able to keep a straight face!
“I was a Peace Corps Volunteer in Togo 2009-2011 and taught sex ed. One time we had a Q&A session with the junior and senior high kids and the best question I got was, from a 15-year-old boy: ‘If you have sex with a girl on her period, will you become a hunchback?'”
9. Just lie back and think of Jesus, ladies!
“Our school doesn’t have a sex education program because Jesus. I have had to correct several female students that think that you can’t get pregnant unless you’re in love. Our pregnancy rate in this school is appalling.”
10. I guess how strange this is depends on how young you were when you believed it…
“When I was little I thought that maxi pads were meant so that women could pee themselves whenever they wanted. My dad and I were watching a commercial and I went on a tangent about how gross that was.”
11. THEY DON’T!? (I’m joking, i’m kidding, of course I knew this for goodness sakes)
“They need to teach girls that urine doesn’t come from the same hole that the baby comes out. I have dated 3 girls who were 20+ at the time who never knew this.”
12. Well, I mean… it does pop out! Can you blame her? Okay, fair enough, it’s pretty stupid…
“I did shadowing of medical professionals and there was a teenage girl there, in labor, who thought she was going to deliver through her navel.”
13. Are these people really serious? These are high school students we’re talking about here?
“My friend goes around to high schools to give talks and answers questions about sex. A girl began to cry once and told the teacher (and the whole class) that she was a hermaphrodite. Turns out she was just talking about her clitoris and thought it was a penis.”
14. My faith in humanity is shrinking by the moment over here
“In my teaching career, I had one girl who honestly believed that she couldn’t get pregnant if she didn’t have an orgasm, one boy who thought humans stopped growing pubic hair in the 1980’s, and one who believed you could get AIDS by being gay.”
15. Somebody needs to draw these kids a freakin’ diagram or something!
“A girl in my school became upset when she found out one of her suite-mates was having sex in their shower. She warned her roommate one night before she went to the bathroom.
Girl: ‘I just thought you should know that Kelsey has been having sex in there.’
Roommate: ‘yeah it’s a little gross, but I’m not that worried. It’ll be alright.”
Girl (whispering): ‘yeah… but… you don’t want to get like… pregnant or anything….'”
16. Well, what exactly did you expect?
“I know a girl who didn’t know ‘where’ babies came from. This was a friend of mine’s cousin who was pregnant but her mum had always had C-Sections with her kids. So when she was told about the natural method of birthing a child she freaked.
‘Well it comes out… the same way it went in.’ ‘YOU’VE GOT TO BE JOKING!’”
17. What if Greg’s dad had three?
“I’m not a sex ed teacher, but when I was in 4th grade I thought men could only have two kids because they only had two testicles. It made sense, because every man I knew had two kids… except my buddy Greg had two siblings. Once I reached my “revelation” I reasoned that Greg’s mom must have cheated on his dad in order to have a 3rd kid.”
The worst part of all this is that these people are all completely for real! They’re out there living their lives right now, probably reproducing and having kids just as dense as they are!
I guess the moral to all these stories is just to think before you open your dang mouth, and of course educate yourself on the facts of life. You don’t have to be a biological expert to know that you don’t have sex in your belly button, and that’s not where babies come from.
So which one of these had you face palming the hardest? Let us know with a COMMENT, and especially if you have a story like this about somebody you know! We could all use a freakin’ laugh, so don’t forget to SHARE this article and see if anybody else has a similar tale!