31 Hilarious Tweets From A Dad Who Is Nailing This Parenting Thing

31 Hilarious Tweets From A Dad Who Is Nailing This Parenting Thing

Parenting is a tricky business and it’s one of the few things in life that can genuinely surprise you every single day. This is why, when someone shares a view on parenting that makes you laugh out loud and say ‘same!’ it really makes you feel connected with other people who are going through this parenting thing one day at a time. This is why we’ve found 31 Tweets from James Breakwell, a Dad whose Tweets about parenting are guaranteed to make you laugh, cry, and maybe even pee your pants a little.

1. Being a good parent is an impressive thing!

Who doesn’t love a man who looks like he’s a really good Dad?

2. This is pretty much my life motto

I don’t care what I’m eating, cheese will make it better.

3. It’s a thankless job but somebody’s gotta do it…

I’m sure that hitting you with a shoe is just how she shows affection… honest.

4. This kid just learned the golden rule

There is nothing, nothing scarier than Mom!

5. Well, who didn’t think this when they were a kid?

Remember how it felt to see your teacher out and about in the real world? It was like seeing a real life unicorn and we didn’t know how to handle it!

6. As far as you and your mother know, I said shift!

I might not be driving at all right now, but I definitely said shift and nothing but shift, okay?

7. Well what parent questions a quiet five minutes?

The answer: any parent that doesn’t want to find their entire house covered in crayons and juice.

8. I’d love to run away!

…Please? Please take me with you?

9. Babies, what won’t they eat?

Their own food, that’s what they won’t eat. They just smear that all over the house, their siblings, the dog, and themselves.

10. It’s not just parenting James knows a lot about, it’s marriage too!

House? What house? I think I had a house once, now it’s just a pile of broken lego bricks.

11. If only planning a vacation was this easy…

Although I don’t care how old you are, seeing a dog is always the best thing that can happen in your daily life.

12. I’d definitely go here

Alcohol and donuts? Sounds like the most perfect bakery in the world!

13. Who doesn’t love singing in the mirror?

She’s going to grow up to be a rock star!

14. That’s a game nobody wins

How do you play? You get your money from your boss and then watch how fast it leaves your bank account! It’s so much fun. Not.

15. You think they’re trouble now? Just you wait!

There’s nothing worse than realising that your kids have formed a truce and are working together to make your life more difficult than it already is.

16. This kid is calling you on your stupidity

Sorry Dad, but this kid’s got one over on you here.

17. I’m running before they’ve even had time to tell me!

You wonder why I’m running? I don’t want to have to deal with a poop explosion, thanks!

18. She doesn’t know how to read, but she wants you to think she does.

To be fair, those two books both have bears in them so she’s not that far off, right?

19. Spaghetti sprinkles are my new favourite food

I’m never calling parmesan cheese by it’s real name again.

20. Another thing that’s been cleverly renamed

Yep, spaghetti sprinkles and wee woo truck are now permanent additions to my vocabulary.

21. Sibling rivalry, huh?

Some kids will give anything to have a little peace and quiet from their siblings for just a few minutes.

22. That’s one heck of a ritual

Maybe they were trying to summon more chocolate donuts?

23. The most accurate job description I’ve ever read

And they didn’t even mention the amount of poop you have to clean up!

24. Parenting, the only job where you can break up a bull fight without there actually being any bulls

Just add this to the list of things I never thought I’d have to say.

25. That’s not how any of this works!

Keep that kid away from your wallet!

26. Reason? They don’t need a reason!

You want to know what their reason is? They wanted to make their parents look stupid, that’s what! At least, that’s what it is with my kids!

27. This is pretty much me with pizza, to be honest

As long as I have pizza, I don’t care what anyone else is doing!

28. Shocking behaviour!

Maybe they were fooled into thinking pigs wear clothes by Peppa Pig and George?

29. Just wait until you have a job…

Trust me kid, when you’re working you’ll be dreaming of going back to that easy school life! I know I am!

30. Child or truck?

Well, we wanted a baby, but we got a heavy goods vehicle instead. Ain’t life weird?

31. ‘Where’s your other shoe?’ is something I ask every day.

The other shoe could be orbiting Mars for all I know.

What do you think of James Breakwell’s hilarious tweets about parenting? What’s the funniest thing you’ve ever noticed about this whole parenting thing? Let us know what you think in the comments and don’t forget to share this article with your family and friends!