If you’re the kind of person who wears trainers and sneakers day after day, and you just want your footwear to be comfortable and practical, prepare to be amazed!
There’s a whole world out there of outlandish shoes designed with NONE of those things in mind!
If you thought your killer 5 inch heels were tricky to put one foot in front of the other, check out some of this footwear from down the years!
They only live to pitch you forward onto your teeth and land you with a night in the ER and blood all down your dress.
It’s called fashion Maureen, look it up!
Chopines were worn by upper-class Venetian women
And look like they were freakin’ dug up.
The Mojito Shoe, made by architect Julian Hakes
Hey architects! Stick with buildings, these shoes look awful!
Alexander McQueen’s Armadillo Heels
You’ll notice that this fashion model is not walking in those things. With good reason. When they debuted in 2010, most models refused to walk in them because they were so scary. Was anyone surprised about this?
These were from that same show
Very Game of Thrones!
Ballet Pointe Heels
Shoes in this style were made famous by Beyoncé when she wore them in the video for her song Green Light. And you know what Beyoncé does, everybody else copies.
MyShell256 Modular Shoes
These shoes are convertible, made up of four parts held together by silicon bands. Because everybody loves their shoes to fall apart while they’re wearing them.
More of Alexander McQueen’s work!
How much for all this non-existent comfort and style? Over $6,300! Steep, just like the freakin’ angle of these things!
Heavy Metal Shoes by Bryan Oknyansky
Oh, so that’s how they record vocals for heavy metal songs? Make somebody walk around in these for a day and record their screams?
Acne Gemini Shoes
Yeah I don’t even know what’s going on here.
Japanese Geisha shoes
These are actually shoes worn by Oiran, courtesans and entertainers in Japan’s early Edo period from 1600 to 1868. It sure would be entertaining trying to watch somebody walk in these things!
Not just a hilarious name, kabkabs were worn by wealthy women in the early 1900s in the Ottoman Empire to protect their feet from heated bathhouse floors. Firstly, how hot were these floors that they needed to be 12 freakin’ inches off the ground? And secondly, I’ll pass, I’d rather risk burning my feet thanks.
The Melonia Shoe
A collaboration between industrial designer Souzan Youssouf and fashion designer Naim Josefi, these actually look kinda cool. Like wearing a pair of small alien’s skeletons on your feet!
Iris Schieferstein’s Taxidermy Shoes
These are called the Cow Girl. I have no idea what’s going on here. It’s fashion sweetie!
For when you don’t want your shoes to actually be shoes at all. Of course.
Because sometimes you need to taunt gravity into giving you a slap in the face.
Ultra high pitch shoes
No, they’re not the shrillest shoes in the world. Just probably the most uncomfortable and difficult to walk in, that’s all.
Some people wear these to go to work every single day! I’ll take a nice unsexy comfortable pair of Crocs any time thanks.