Let’s be honest ladies. When we get down to business, our heads aren’t always in the game, are they? With a million and one things on your mind, it’s hard to switch off. Sometimes, all you want to do is enjoy the magical, sexy… and slightly awkward moment. That’s all well and good, but your brain is elsewhere. The truth of the matter is that while we’re in the throes of passion, we’re not always 100% there. Our minds go into overdrive and here are just some of the things we end up thinking!
1. “Wait… Have I shaved down there”
When you can clearly see that sexy time is on the menu, we all have the same thought! Wait, when was the last time I shaved my you-know-what? Has it really been that long, eh?
2. “Oh good… I have. Phew!”
Then you realize that you totally have and the floods of relief are just beautiful. You can now lie back, relax and let the magic begin.
3. “Um. Can’t he put his own condom on?”
But wait… he suddenly wants you to pop the condom on for him. Isn’t that basically the man’s job anyway? He probably expects you to find some creative and seductive way to slide it on. Nope, you’re just going to get that thing on in the quickest, most efficient way possible.
4. “Is this a sexy face I’m pulling? I hope so!”
When he looks directly at you and you try to look sexy… It doesn’t always go to plan! How do you pull a sexy face again? Maybe if you squint a little, you’ll look all sultry and seductive. Or, maybe you will just look like you need glasses. Oops.
5. “Oh no… Did I brush my teeth?”
When he leans in for a kiss and you quickly try to remember when you last brushed your teeth. Sure, he will act like he doesn’t mind if your breath stinks, but YOU will totally mind!
6. “Wait! Did I leave the dryer on?”
Once the action ‘gets going’ you can’t be blamed if your mind wanders just a little bit. You catch yourself wondering about the most mundane of subjects. Like, did you leave the dryer on? Where did you leave your keys? Etc.
7. “Oh right, he’s grunting… I’d better moan then!”
When you finally stop daydreaming, you see that he has started an epic grunting routine. This is clearly a signal for you to start groaning and moaning like no tomorrow. FUN!
8. “Oh wow. My boobs look great!”
Then you glance down and see your boobs. From this angle, they look spectacular. You find it a little weird that you’re more turned on by your own breasts than your man. Awkward.
9. “Ummm… Why is he doing that?“
And then, he starts to do something weird. He’s probably read that whatever he’s doing is the ultimate turn on for ladies. Well, it isn’t. Can you quit licking my ear please? It’s just plain weird.
10. “Where did he learn this move? Nice!”
Moments later, he’s back on track. Somewhere along the line he’s learned a pretty fancy move and it’s totally working for you. But then, you start to wonder who taught it him!
11. “Oh right. He definitely saw this one in porn.”
When he asks you to do something absolutely ridiculous like put your legs behind your head…. I’m not a gymnast, you know? And I’m definitely NOT a porn star. Cut it out.
12. “Well, this is kind of nice. Keep going, please?”
When he gets into just the right position and you pray that he will carry on and on and on. Come on, please just keep going? There is really no need to stop. Like ever.
13. “Oh great. He wants to change position… Hassle!”
But then, about two seconds into that, he’s already bored and he wants to try something new. NO! That is not cool. Stay where you are please. Thank you!
14. “No, no, no…. PLEASE don’t finish yet!”
When you can tell that he’s about to cross the finishing line, but you’re miles away from it! NOOOOOOO! You want to tell him to just hold on a few more minutes, because that’s probably all you need.
15. “Oh. There he goes.”
It’s already too late. He’s done. It’s over. You lost the game again. URGH! Then, to add insult to injury, he rolls over and immediately begins snoring. Great. Thanks for that.
Please SHARE this article with your friends and family on Facebook!