I mean, you can’t always have your head in the game…
Men will obviously assume that when we’re having sex with them, all we’re thinking about is ‘how great they are!’ ‘how great this is!’ and ‘how large they are!!’. But us women know that’s a load of arrogant baloney. Half of them don’t realise that we spend a good chunk of time out of the moment and in our heads. We’re wondering about how we look, what you’re doing and more importantly, what’s for dinner. If only they knew…
Ladies, I’m afraid they’re about to find out. I’m gonna expose us for what we really think about during sex. Because girls, 2018 is the year of the woman! And I say from now on, we don’t have to pretend to be anything other than ourselves in the bedroom! Even if we are gross and strange and weird…
So without further ado, let’s let the world know what we’re thinking under the sheets…
1. We sneak a look at our phones
I’m not talking about picking it up during the act. More just looking over at the screen. We know we shouldn’t check our phones in the middle of sex, and believe me, we try to resist. But when you’re not being satisfied (or you’re done) and that phone light flashes, we are obviously going to take a sneaky glance. It could be the bestie, after all.
So choose wisely, guys! If we’ve spent a lot of time choosing our underwear to make sure it’s sexy AF, why shouldn’t you do the same?! Don’t worry though, as long as they’re not greying tighty whiteys that are as old as you are then you’re pretty much good!
3. We fart before we get down to business
Yep. We get it all out beforehand. We’re worried that we’re going to need to fart during sex (it’s an issue), so we will sneak off to fart beforehand. Guys, consider yourselves lucky. It’s for your own good as much as ours.
Come on, we all know that boogers have a bad habit of making an appearance right in the middle of having sex. If you’re not looking, you know that we’re going to be checking that our face isn’t covered in snot and getting rid of any rogue boogers that may be creeping out of our nose.
5. We sneak a look to see how turned on you are
We just want to see how things are ‘appearing’ as we’re getting ready to do the deed. We want to make sure that you’re finding us as sexy as we freakin’ are. And if you’re not, then panic ensues.
I think any guy would rather us do this than stop him in the middle of his stride. And my nose is practically dripping so deal with it.
7. We freshen up downstairs
If we start to get the vibe things are about to go down, you may notice we rush off to the bathroom. By the time we come back, we look ten times better, smell great and have extra fresh breath. And we always make sure the downstairs area is good to go too. See, we’re not completely gross!
8. We daydream about other things
If we know we’re not gonna get satisfied or already have done, it’s difficult to stay focused on the task at hand. We run busy and hungry lifestyles, okay?! So it’s easy to get lost in thinking about having to take the dog for a walk or what’s for dinner that night.
9. We quickly tie our hair back
Particularly if we’re on top, this can be a big problem. Hair dangling on your face and in your mouth isn’t a big turn on, is it? So when you take your pants off or lean over to grab a rubber, we do the deed and tie it back.
Sometimes your natural lubricant just doesn’t seem to be there?! (Or the guy isn’t doing a good job) And lubrication makes everything about sex better, so if things are feeling a little dry down there, then, of course, we’re gonna help the situation out.
11. We get paranoid
Guys have you ever experienced a girl shouting ‘stop! what was that noise?!’ We’re paranoid Polly’s. Are my roommates going to walk in? Is my Mom going to call with some sort of emergency? Are you going to think that this is the worst sex you’ve ever had in your life and tell all your friends and never want to see us again?
12. We check that our boobs look good
We spend a good amount of time reshuffling them. If we’ve got a bra on, it’s about ensuring they’re pushed up and not flying all over the place. And if we’re braless, it’s about holding your back straight so they don’t look saggy. It’s a lot of effort!
13. We check the time
I’ve been up since 6 AM and it’s now 11.30PM. If you’re taking longer than fifteen minutes, then sorry, but I’m gonna start clock watching.
14. We scratch that itch
We know you don’t wanna know that we have an itchy butt or whatever else. So when you’re not looking we scratch the hell out of that itch. You’re welcome.
What do you think of our list of fourteen things that women do during sex when you’re not looking? Are you a woman who does the things on our list when you’re having sex with your partner?