It’s Christmas morning, you’re sat surrounded by your family and everyone’s in the festive spirit. You receive your first present and despite the fact you’re trying to pretend you’re not that bothered, deep down you’re secretly hoping for that dream item you’ve been pining after all year. But, after hastily unwrapping you find what? … A pair of socks.
1. This yodeling Christmas pickle
I always get pickle and chutney mixed up personally, it makes me ‘chu-ckle’…
Ok, I know that wasn’t the best joke to start off with.
But, in all seriousness, just picture someone’s reaction as they receive this magnificent musical present. They’re sure to think it’s a ‘sweet dil’…
2. This comb made from dentures… that are real and have been used
Now, I know what you’re thinking: “Ew, why on earth would anyone want this?” Especially seeing as they’re freakin’ used!
But, don’t worry, they have of course been washed and cleaned… I hope. It goes deeper than that too because for these to exist, someone has actually woken up one day and thought to themselves “this is a really good idea, I’ll put it into production“. To which you’re probably now thinking “WTF?!“.
You’ve clearly not considered the fact that it would be absolutely bloomin’ hilarious to give to someone though. Well, if your humor’s based around weird, kinda gross gifts, that is. Plus, you could even go a step further and make it personal by using your own gran or grandad’s dentures, rather than the usual pair of slippers they receive EVERY year. Right, that’s Christmas sorted! You’re welcome.
3. This Roadkill scented candle
Ahhhh the sweet smell of rotting animal corpse by the side of the road, drink it in.
Some people really like boring gifts like candles, so if you’re looking to spruce it up a bit… this is the way to go.
And just in case you were still deliberating, it’s based on the smell from “a hot summer day“, so it’s extra pungent.
4. This poop in a box
You’re probably looking at this one and realizing that the only flaw to this exceptional gift idea, is the fact that it might be difficult to transport without a clip or handle. Am I right? Well, your prayers have been answered because it’s actually a badge as well!
So, when you’re heading out of the house you can wear it proudly. Just imagine the looks you’ll get walking down the street, people might even bow down to you… it’s THAT impressive.
Ok, I might be going slightly overboard with the sarcasm here. But, the poop could open some doors for you. You might even become ‘the funny one‘ in the friendship group. You can come out with lines like “I really need a poo… oh wait I’ve got one right here!“, and the whole room will instantaneously erupt with laughter every time without fail.
5. These fish shoes
If you don’t go about your life wishing you could wear a pair of dead fish on your feet, then frankly, you’re the weird one.
Thankfully, somebody decided to make this fashion statement affordable for the masses.
These bad boys are just £11.99, an absolute steal!
6. This cushion designed to look like a spleen
A very underrated organ if you ask me.
It deserves recognition as it filters blood supporting the immune system, did you know that?
So the least you can do is buy a pillow shaped like one and give it to a close family member next Christmas. DO IT.
7. These bacon bandages
The question with this one is: “Why hasn’t anyone thought of it sooner?“.
Now you can treat your cuts and grazes with the pain-alleviating power of meat.
Even if you’ve broken a bone, the bacon will halve your healing time, guaranteed.
8. This ‘emergency‘ clown nose
Did you hear about the circus fire? It was ‘in-tents’. Fortunately, you can now carry emergency clown noses around with you, thank goodness!
Just so that, you can continue to make people laugh, even if they’ve broken their ‘funny‘ bone. Hahaha!
9. This freshly baked bread pillow
The smell of a fresh loaf of bread is almost heavenly.
Unfortunately, it’s difficult to make something that smells like that continuously.
But the next best thing is this supremely comfortable pillow… I’m not selling it very well, am I?
10. These not at all creepy face pillows
One for the grandkids to give to the grandparents don’t you think?
They’ll love walking into the front room each and every day and seeing their beloved family members stretched out like giant demented squidgy mounds of play-doh.
11. This Donald Trump talking toilet roll holder
So this is a real thing apparently…
It has 8 probably pretty controversial sayings and blurts them out as you pull the toilet roll.
So if you just can’t get enough of our president, then this might be coming your way next holiday season.
12. These taxidermied squirrels
You might be thinking this is pretty freakin’ random… and you’d be right. (By the way, this one is dressed as Khaleesi… obviously)
But, there’s just one important factor you need to consider when debating whether to purchase one.
The person you’re giving it to, no matter who they might be, will definitely not already have one. So, you’ll have given quite possibly the most original present on the planet.
So, now your Christmas shopping list is complete, you can focus on other things in life safe in the knowledge that the people you’re buying for will have absolutely no freakin’ idea what they’re getting!